Mandarin Orange Crispy Chick'n = Good

Aaaaahhhh another few months of craziness, another lapse in reviews. But believe me, those months have had me try all sorts of exciting veg*n products, many of which you'll get to read about here! Are you as pumped as I am?! Bah, whatever - let's get into it.

As you may have noticed, Gardein has been quietly coming to the forefront of the faux-meat product scene. And that makes me super-happy. They're not sticking with the same old veggie-dog/veggie-burger/veggie-slice formula at all (I'm looking at you again, Yves!). Gardein is offering veg*ns a variety of amazing, quasi-gourmet options, and they should be commended for their creativity at the very least. No, they're not always entirely successful (I tried a truly bizarre faux-beef/rice combo of theirs a few months ago, and let's just say it wasn't pretty), but they are clearly putting in an effort for their customers - and I, for one, appreciate it.

So. One of their newest products is the Mandarin Orange Crispy Chick'n. I can't even tell you how happy I was when I saw this in the frozen foods section at my local grocery store. Right away I thought of this crappy chain Chinese restaurant that I used to always go to (before my veggie days) at a mall near my hometown. Okay wait - that doesn't sound like any reason to be happy, does it. Be patient and let me explain! So yeah - crappy Chinese restaurant. When I was an omnivore, I used to lovelovelove to get this combo plate of fried rice, mixed vegetables, and orange chicken. It was so freaking good. Every time I go to that mall and pass that stupid place, I think, "Oh jeebus, what I wouldn't give for some nasty-delicious orange chicken right now." And then I gather up my strength and walk on by and get a (kinda dissatisfying) falafel or something. I've been doing this for like nine years now. But falafel no more! I've got my own orange chick'n now, b*tches!

The mandarin chick'n comes in a pouch with the faux-meat pre-breaded and a separate sauce packet enclosed. I should note that the size of the pouch of chick'n is misleading in the way a bag of chips is - it looks huge on the shelf, and then you get home and open it up and it's half empty. But anyway. So you fry up however much chick'n you want (I cooked the whole bag even though I was eating alone. Be quiet! My stomach was crying, "Ohhhhhh ooooorange chiiiiiicken, I've miiiissed you baaaby," and I had to appease it) - then you stir in the sauce and you're ready to eat.

The breaded chick'n itself was awesome. It had a great flavour and texture, the way most of Gardein's products do. I probably could have eaten the faux-meat by itself, sans sauce, and I would have been satisfied. With the sauce, it was still pretty good. I found it a little watery, and it had this sort of stanky edge to it (almost like balsamic vinegar or something), but not in a totally offensive way. According to the ingredients list on the package, there are a couple of different types of vinegar in it, so that's probably why. I would have preferred it if the sauce was thicker and sweeter and less stanky, but overall I'm a happy camper - and I will buy this product again!

I paid $4.99 Cdn for the pouch, but I think prices vary a little bit from store to store. This is a vegan product, so pretty much everyone can try it. Let me know if you do!

Product and nutritional info: http://www.gardein.com/products.php?t=frozen&p=32

Cheese = Ugly

Aaaaaaugh this review has been a long time coming. And it's an ugly one - so ugly. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to Galaxy Nutritional Foods' Veggie Slices. They are thick. They are orange. They are jiggly. And they are nasty. They are also part of the reason why I am now a vegetarian rather than a vegan.

Let me take you back eight years or so, when I was a fledgling, newly-hatched little veggie warrior. When I stopped eating meat, I went balls-out and became a full-on vegan, rather than easing my way into vegetarianism. No milk products, no egg products, nothing. And I was woefully underprepared. I started having crazy cravings for cheese, any kind of cheese, even those Kraft singles that I never liked to begin with. Having found soy milk and other soy products to be tolerable, I thought soy cheese would be okay too. And I noticed that pretty much every grocery store across Ontario - even crappy ones that didn't have so much as a veggie dog in their coolers - carried some of Galaxy's products.

Giving their cheese a quick once-over, it seemed innocuous enough. At the time of my first purchase (side note - 12 slices usually cost $4 0r $5 Canadian), I unfortunately didn't know as much about hidden animal ingredients as I do now, and had no clue that this soy cheese contains casein, a non-vegan milk protein. To be honest, I always thought to myself, "Why the hell would anyone who doesn't object to the use of milk want to buy soy cheese? And why would a company manufacturing non-milk cheese use a milk ingredient in it?" I realize now that non-veg*ns who are lactose intolerant might want to buy soy cheese, but I'm still not completely sure why Galaxy puts casein in this stuff. And apparently they do make a true vegan cheese now, but it's nowhere near as widely available as this one... I've actually never seen it at any grocery store, only online. Weird.

Aaaanyway - in addition to the cheese having questionable ingredients, it tastes really freaking gross. The slices admittedly look much like Kraft cheese slices, all woobly and orange and stuff (which is nasty in and of itself), but the similarities end there. Not that Kraft slices are awesome or anything, but at least they melt and taste moderately cheesy. The Galaxy slices never really melt. I found this strange, given that the package says something about them having a "gourmet melt". What does that even mean?! Maybe it's a euphemism for, "Yes, you can get them warm, but that's about it." Don't bother trying to make a grilled cheese with them... you'll be hard-pressed to get the bread to stick together, seriously. And if you do what I did, which is to throw down your spatula and say, "Screw it, I'm eating this toasted bread with weird orange sh*t loosely placed in the middle anyway," do yourself a favour and have a trash can nearby. You do not want to punish yourself by taking more than one experimental bite. Hell, I'm writing this to tell you not to even take that first bite! Just say no.

Since I've typically had no other soy cheese options available, I will admit I bought this crap more than once - always motivated by cheese-craving-induced insanity. Then I found out it wasn't vegan anyway, and got kind of angry. And thennnn I thought, "Why am I making myself so unhappy?" I know there are a lot of people out there who won't necessarily agree with me on this, and your opinion is valid, but over time I came to decide that I don't really object morally to the consumption of animal milk anyway; when created responsibly, no one has to suffer or die for it. So I chucked Galaxy's slices out the window and haven't looked back.

Product and nutritional info: http://www.galaxyfoods.com/galaxy-products/soy-cheese/veggie-2/veggie-slices/

Bacon = (Sorta) Good

Wow, it's been a long time since the last review. Let's just say this has been an interesting year filled with job changes, a few cross-continental moves, and more. But it's time to get back down to business, kids! And by business, I mean bacon business. Yes, I may have found a decent bacon-replacement product in Morningstar Farms' Bacon Strips! Well... they're better than Yves's anyway.

I actually only bought the bacon after I was foiled (yet again) in my attempt to purchase the Morningstar Farms corn dogs. WTF, man?! Are they really so good that people everywhere are buying them up before I can? Or have they - horrifyingly - been discontinued? I need to do some further investigation. So yeah, I was staring forlornly into the veggie frozen goods section at Target, hoping that the corn dogs would just magically appear from the great unknown, when I saw the bacon strips amid the stacks of boxes of faux-ribs (which are also not bad and should be reviewed some time), burgers, etc. I was reeeeeally not expecting much, since my past experiences with faux-bacon have tended toward the rubbery and overly smoky, but picked them up anyway and hoped for the best.

As with the corn dogs, there's not a whole lot of nutritional value to the bacon. I think Morningstar Farms could help themselves (and their customers) by injecting a vitamin or two here and there into their products, no? Althooooough, maybe the vitamins are what is making Yves's products a little lacklustre. Hmm. Maybe I should just take vapid deliciousness for what it is, and quit expecting to get my daily intake of iron and B12 in one little strip of faux-meat? Probably. It just irks me to see a company plastering promises of healthiness on all of their packaging, when by healthiness they only mean that their products have a lower fat content than the animal-filled alternatives. Meh.

So onto the actual food experience. The strips are comparable to Yves's strips in that they look truly, hilariously artificial. They are cut into perfect rectangles, roughly the length and width of a standard bookmark. They are mostly a translucent cream colour with swirls of red painted on them. Where they really differ from the Yves strips, however, is in their thickness. They are cut very thin, which does give them a slightly more realistic and less bologna-esque consistency.

You can microwave or fry them, but I chose to fry them (in a buttload of oil) in an attempt to bring out a more authentic bacon-ness. I think this was a good idea, though I'm pretty sure I overcooked a few pieces, making them a little too dry and crunchy, with the overall palatal impression making them comparable to those Munchos chips. You know? Sort of airy and bland and crunchy, but in an inoffensive way. The strips that I didn't overcook still had some crunch, but a little chewiness too. So fairly balanced. Aaaand they weren't crazily smoky, which made me happy. Overall, they made a pretty satisfying addition to my breakfast, and I think I will buy them again!

They cost about $4 US (which, for you Canadians out there, is a steal given our strong dollar at the moment - yaaay), and I think they are actually only available in the States right now, like the rest of the Morningstar product line. Seriously, somebody get this stuff across the border! (Especially the corn dogs though. I'm dying here.)

Product and nutritional info: http://www.morningstarfarms.com/products_veggie-bacon-strips.aspx

T-Shirt = Good

I was looking at my old posts and realized it has been a long time since I did a clothing review. And I actually do have a lot to work with (being the fashion-loving lady that I am), soooo I decided to pick one of my favourites and go for it! And today we're looking at the Herbivore Clothing Cow Hugger tee.

I really do love this top, and I get a lot of comments/compliments on it. What better (non-confrontational) way to show your veggie pride than with a cute message tee? The design is by Jen Corace for Herbivore, printed on a 100% cotton American Apparel shirt (as many of their designs are). I own the sky blue tee pictured above, but they also have offered the design on hoodies, long-sleeved shirts and more.

The fit is nice (not too tight or short, but not sloppy-big either) aaaaand I'm happy to report that whatever they printed the picture with seems to hold up well - No signs of peeling or fading! (I had a Sailor Moon t-shirt in high school that sadly was not so durable. I kept trying to wear it long after Tuxedo Mask's face had peeled off but finally had to admit that it needed to be chucked. I'm sorry Darien!)

I paid $25 US for the shirt, plus about $5 in shipping. It arrived pretty quickly, along with a complimentary Herbivore sticker (very nice!). Now, it looks like they no longer offer the blue tee directly on the Herbivore website, but they do have it in a purple v-neck, and I believe you can still get this one at other online veg*n clothing stores (see below). Plus Herbivore has a ton of other really great stuff - I definitely recommend checking them out!

http://www.herbivoreclothing.com

http://www.veganessentials.com/catalog/cow-hugger-womens-fitted-short-sleeve-by-herbivore-clothing.htm

Body Wash = Good

Alright, I have another brand-spankin' new review for all of you, and it's a good one. Yippee! Also, just to shake things up a bit, we're looking at a bath/beauty product. It's been awhile, no? I think we've tended to have bad (or ugly) luck with these, but luckily the Nature's Gate Pomegranate Sunflower Body Wash is awesome.

The backstory to my purchase: A few weeks ago, my sister and I decided to make a little trip across the border with the intention of buying a caseload of those wiiiiiicked veggie corn dogs I reviewed awhile ago (what, you thought I was joking?! I have been dreaming about those bad boys ever since then. I TOLD you they were fantastic). So we hit up the nearest Target and booted it to the frozen goods section. But, woe betide me, they were sold out. Sold out! Was it one of my readers, acting upon a hungry impulse brought about by my enthusiastic review? Is there someone out there slumped in their computer chair, tummy swollen and eyes glazed, surrounded by dozens of empty Morningstar Farms boxes, cackling to him-or-herself at my misfortune?! Arrrrrrrgh - Vengeance will be miiiine!

Uhhh... Sorry about that. Moving on. Needless to say, I was disappointed not to have found the corn dogs, but I consoled myself by checking out the other veg*n products available in-store. And to my surprise, there were plenty! I actually needed to pick up some shampoo, conditioner, and soap, and out of curiosity decided to pick up Nature's Gate's stuff.

The body wash was $6-ish US (though their website lists it at $7.49) for a 532 mL bottle, which pretty much fit into my (almost non-existent) budget. The scent was really nice, and the bottle said that the product contains no animal byproducts and involved no animal testing - Wooo! After taking it home and testing it out, I can say with all sincerity that I will be buying this again. It lathers well, still smells great (fruity and zesty but not overpoweringly so), and leaves my skin clean but well-moisturized.

The company's website info indicates that their products are indeed certified vegan and cruelty-free, which we can all feel happy about! It looks like they also have a tonnnnn of other products that I'd love to try - And you should too! Just save me a box or bottle or two this time, okay?

Product info: http://www.natures-gate.com/shop/showitem.asp?ProductId=43100005&menuId=223&withLinks=1

Crispy Tenders = Bad

Todaaaay we're going to take a look at Gardein's Seven Grain Crispy Tenders. Yes, unfortunately, they are kind of bad. This will undoubtedly surprise those of you who have tried their other products, but I promise to explain.

Overall, I love Gardein. They are a wonderful company and offer some fabulous animal-free foods (for instance, their Chick'n Filets are delectable and approximate the taste and texture of real chicken better than any other faux-meat I've ever eaten. And you know I've tried more than my share!). The president/founder of Gardein was actually the creator of Yves Veggie Cuisine, which he sold several years ago, and apparently also marketed North America's very first veggie dog more than 20 years ago - Amazing! He also has contributed to PC's Blue Menu product line (which will prove ironic in a moment or two, if you'll bear with me). So Gardein has emerged from a long history of pro-veggie entrepreneurship, which I admire and appreciate.

But it just happens to be the case that they got things wrong with the Crispy Tenders (vegan chicken nuggets/strips). I had very high hopes for them, given Gardein's super-duper track record, but they were just dry and pretty flavourless. I cooked them using different methods (baking, microwaving, and even frying), and they came out marginally more moist when I shortened the cooking time, but that didn't make up for their blandness. Pluuuuus they're a little expensive (typically around $7 Canadian, though I got them on sale for $4-something at an organic grocery store one day), and their nutritional value (other than being low-fat) is unremarkable.

I wouldn't say the tenders are full-on ugly, since I do respect the company's history and the work they do, and it's great that the product is certified vegan and the taste isn't completely vomitous, just plain. But when there are better options out there, plain don't cut it!

Speaking of better options, here comes the irony! (No, it's not that exciting, but anyway.) Another one of the reasons why I had hoped that the tenders would be yummy was because the PC Blue Menu ones are INCREDIBLE. I might even like them better than I used to like real chicken strips. So what's up, Mr. Gardein Man?! If you worked on the Blue Menu stuff, why aren't the Gardein strips just as good (especially since they are more expensive)? Well, maybe I'll never get the answer to that, but I guess I'll just continue to buy the PC strips (and give them the full review they deserve) rather than these ones.

Product and nutritional info: http://www.gardein.com/products.php?t=frozen&p=4

Back in Canada!

Crazy, isn't it? But I am back again, raring to go, looking for a (paying) job, and getting settled back into normalcy. So back to our reviews! A delicious new post will be up soon. Also - I'll be launching a book review site in the near future. Stay tuned...

Vida e Saúde = Good

Maybe it's kind of a snooze to have two good reviews in a row, and two restaurant reviews in a row, but whatever, people! I have been dying to review Vida e Saúde (that's "Life and Health" in Portuguese), a veg*n buffet restaurant here in Porto Alegre.

First of all, before I talk about all the specifics of the place, I have to give a huge, gigantic, hearty thumbs-up to the PRICE factor. Guess how much you pay for an unlimited lunch buffet, including unlimited drinks and dessert? $11 Brazilian reais, which is equal to about $6 Canadian (and also about $6 US, seeing as the Canadian dollar is pretty much at par with the American one right now, muhaha). Six freaking dollars! Amazing. My North American mind has no concept of this.

Well, maybe I could understand the price being so low if the food was crappy or of poor quality. But it's so good! I know I rated the Green Door's food as excellent, but Vida e Saúde's is even better. Really. You get a lot of traditional Brazilian fare (beans, rice, polenta, pasteis, etc.), in addition to fabulous fresh fruit and veggies, all kinds of fried patties, faux-meat, pasta dishes, and more. (All of these are vegetarian and many are vegan.) They have a wonderful selection of fresh fruit juices. Aaaaand some of the desserts are to die for. These again are mostly of the Brazil-specific variety, made with doce de leite (dulce de leche) and sweetened condensed milk and the like. Lately I've been wondering how I went my whole life without these little bits of heaven! One not-so-heavenly little nugget of information I just came across though: For some reason, the jell-o they serve is animal-based. Why?! I'm just glad I didn't eat it before I found out, *eep*. Consider yourselves warned.

The restaurant is located in downtown Porto Alegre, which is a bustling, hot, crowded place, composed of old historic buildings interspersed with government offices, large businesses, and little shops in varying states of repair. Walking into Vida e Saúde serves as a breath of fresh air and a refuge from the chaos around it. It's spacious, cool, clean, and has a simple but cheery decor. The staff is friendly and efficient. And like I said, the food is so good and so delightfully affordable!

Vida e Saúde is open for lunch every weekday. So I think I might need to campaign somehow for them to extend their hours - and to switch to animal-friendly jell-o! I'll let you know if I'm successful.

Business hours and other info: http://www.guiavegano.com.br/vegan/restaurantes-com-opcao-vegetariana-em-porto-alegre/vida-e-saude

Green Door = Good

Good day, dear readers! Today will be a Canadian review rather than a Brazilian one, just for kicks. (Aaand also because I haven't been in Brazil all that long but spent my whole life in Canada, so I have a little more experience with Canada's veggie products and services. You get it.) And, for something new, today will be our very first restaurant review! Woo! Are you as excited as I am? I can tell you are. Let's go.

The restaurant in question is Ottawa's The Green Door. Ahhhh Green Door, how I miss thee! It's probably Ottawa's number one veg*n restaurant and rightfully so. They work with a buffet format (like the once-mentioned Commensal), and you pay by the weight of your food (other than the bread and soup, which are flat-rate options). You know, I love buffets (good buffets, that is). You get to pick exactly what you want, in exactly the quantity that you want. So if I want to have three quarters of my plate covered in mashed potatoes (by the way, the Green Door's mashed potatoes are excellent), then I will! Or if I want to mix some broccoli-and-tofu stir fry with lasagna, spanikopita, and avocado salad (again, these are all wicked choices on their daily menu), then I can! You see my point.

The Green Door knows their stuff. They've been in business for more than 20 years, have a devoted clientele, and are pretty much always working with a full house. They have vegan and vegetarian dishes (always clearly marked), organic and soy-based drinks, a great selection of fair trade tea and coffee, offer take-out, and have a catering service as well. I believe they also have some t-shirts for sale and even published a cookbook (which I really wish I had purchased before I moved to Brazil, *sigh*). They also showcase and sell a rotation of local artists' works. Overall they are just a really cool place to hang out and eat and feel at home in downtown Ottawa.

My only real beef (tofu?) with them is that they're a bit pricey. Not ridiculously so, but be prepared to spend about $15 or more if you have a good-sized plate and a drink. Oh, also, they are closed on Mondays. On more than one occasion, Boy and I forgot this and trudged over in the snow, only to be left hungry and (literally) in the cold! Picture our wistful, frost-bitten little faces pressed against the window, staring longingly at the empty buffet trays and unfilled coffee pots. (Cue violins.) Okaaay, so it wasn't that dramatic - shush. But it's a testament to how much I like this restaurant that I wish they were open every day. So if you're ever in the Ottawa area and need a nice, cozy place to get your veggie eat on, head over to the Green Door. You'll be glad you did!

Website: www.thegreendoor.ca

Cordon Verde = Ugly

As I mentioned in the earlier programming note, I recently relocated to Brazil. And not just anywhere in Brazil, but the southernmost state of Rio Grande do Sul, which is renowned for its churrasco (Brazilian barbecue). Sooo I am really out of my element here in the state capital of Porto Alegre, deep in cow-land, and am often looked at a little funny when I ask for things sem carne (without meat). But I am managing! Surprisingly, wonderfully, there is a small veggie scene here with a few great restaurants and some soy products at the grocery stores.

So far, unfortunately, the availability of said soy products has been sporadic at best. I once found veggie dogs at one grocery store, but haven't seen them there since. Sometimes the stores stock veggie burgers, sometimes they don't. But one company that always seems to have at least a veg*n product or two available at every grocery store is Perdigão.

Perdigão doesn't just make vegetarian products; they also make a range of meat products and frozen entrées, which I believe are more popular here than are their veggie options. But no matter - I am glad they offer animal-free options at all! So I was passing by their rather large section of frozen goods one day when the words proteína de soja (soy protein) jumped out at me. They were on a box of a product called Cordon Verde Vegetal ("Vegetable Cordon Green" instead of "Cordon Bleu" - cute).

The ingredients listed included no animal products whatsoever - nice! - and a decent amount of protein/etc., so I grabbed the box and headed on my merry way. Once home, I followed the microwave instructions for preparing an individual portion. The listed cooking time seemed kind of lengthy for one small filet, but I figured Perdigão knew their stuff better than I would, so I did exactly as told.

Aaaand the cordon verde came out terrible. Oh so very terrible. The crumbly breaded exterior had now hardened into firm little pebbles. It took a good steak knife and a few Portuguese curse words to cut through the filet, and when I finally managed it, the gooey, creamy interior that I had expected turned out to have dried out completely. (Remember that scene in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, where they cut open in the turkey and a sort of dry cough of smoke puffs out? It was like that.) The sauce apparently disappeared and became part of one grey sandy mass. But I was not to be defeated! I sawed through my little cordon verde and ground my teeth through at least five or six bites. (And then I gave up.)

The most reasonable conclusion would be that I simply overcooked the product, no? It would seem that I simply had to adjust my cooking time! After all, from what I could taste of it, there was nothing overtly offensive about the flavouring. So I later grabbed another one, microwaved for about half the listed time, and hoped for the best. No dice. The cordon verde was admittedly much more moist this time, but the texture was still very strange, the sauce was generally indistinguishable from the veggie-meat, and the flavour was salty-bland at best.

So... Will I buy this again? I wish I could say no, but given my quasi-limited options at the moment, I might not have a choice! At least it was vegan, affordable, and mostly nutritious. Maybe if I cover it in some ketchup it'll be more bearable. I'll let you know.

Product and nutrition info: http://www.perdigao.com.br/comidadeverdade/_produtosDetalhes.cfm?produto=120